so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
