We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
