I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
