How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
