Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
