You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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