i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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