So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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