Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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