fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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