Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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