I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
