Just cropdusted the office
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
