no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
