Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
