bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
