it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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