that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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