I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
