I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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