??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it hurts more in the daytime
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
