why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
