we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He passed out mid-signature
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
