Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
