How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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