we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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