did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
