I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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