I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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