I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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