You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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