if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
