I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
