I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
