I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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