wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
