she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
