The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
