Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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