the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
