i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
