umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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