Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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