First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
