She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
