last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You took a bar mat shot.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
