my phone needs a breathalizer
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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