You're so nebulous sometimes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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