I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
