Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
