He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
wakey wakey hands off snakey
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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