Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
