wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
