dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
