Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
