Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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