hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
