Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
