If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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