im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't put those talents on a resume
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
