he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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