my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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