we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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