Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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