Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
