Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
