Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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