I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
