I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
