She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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