Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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