my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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