There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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