i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
