hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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