did you get engaged???
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
