you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
