I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
